Oct. 18

Worked for about 1 1/2 hours. Read his Civil War chapter again. Am convinced I can make the argument with the WW 2 chapter, and maybe Rev. War.

Oct. 17, Sunday

It was so hard to get into it today. I sat down and asked myself, why bother? If this chapter is what is preventing me from working on the prospectus for the book, then junk it. Do something easier. And then I read the Eley piece, in of all places the Workers Union website. It was (it is) outstanding, and reading it wiped the cobwebs from my eyes. It helped me understand that what I need to do to really get a handle on it, is careful discourse analysis: I knew this. It is a John Dower move. I just need to do it.

Anyway, it was an excellent session-- and pumped me up. I needed that!

Oct. 16, 2010

Yesterday was spent under the weather. Today, I am going to touch for the next hour and a half, at least. More to come

So, writing today, after class. I hope Juan recovers. He was such a good sport, and what we did to him publicly, well. . . if you are not used to it, it can smart. But it's good medicine. We all need it. And I hope that we all see the benefit of doing this collectively.

Well, I really hope I don't turn to this blog as an excuse for not writing. Today I have not touched, and am not going to. It is late; I just got back from a required social event, and to touch -- when my mind is utter mush-- would simply be going though the motions. What I can do, perhaps, is say a few words about the next steps, the "to-do" list that I need to work on.

So, I think I need to read Zinn's Revolution chapter again. The reading has gone stale. I need to read it fresh, just like I read the WWII chapter fresh. I found myself saying, after Monday's rather fruitless hour and a half, "why am i doing this?" I think second guessing myself is a waste of time. I am writing this paper because I have something to say. What exactly it will be I see only in broad contour. Oddly, I know the argument, as it an argument I've been working out for at least two years. What I don't have is the rigor, the thoroughness, the details and sense of utter immersion that makes me honest. I am too old to do dishonest scholarship. If I can't go the whole way, I don't want to do it. So the issue really is patience and faith. Oh my goodness, the F word. I don't see the way out right now; but have faith that if I do this with devotion, something useful will come about. Wow. I didn't expect that!

going public with my stuff. ouch.

Well, I don't know if any one will read this blog, and it is not really about anyone reading it as much as it is about me being public with my Writing Colleagues in ED395 about my own practice. It's unfair to make them do things, and then show them to me, if I am not going to do them myself. And it is already near the 4th week of the quarter (!) and I am no where near the goals I set for myself. Yes, yes. Lot's of things have come up: trying to formulate the ideas for the funders, giving them feedback (the funders) on their ideas, renewing our Library of Congress grant, the Margaret Jacks talk, yadda yadda yadda. Same old story Sam: I can always find "legitimate" reasons why the really tough writing nuts don't get cracked, or don't even get worked on. So, I'm outing myself in this blog: perhaps it will help me be honest with myself, and see (and work on) patterns that are less-than-productive.

So to be clear. The goal is very simple. I have been working, on and off, on the Zinn paper (a critique of Howard Zinn's People's History) for a good five months. I have an outline; I have a to-do list; I have lots of notes and lots of stuff to read. I just haven't since the time in Jerusalem (itself spotty) made the time for dailiness. I was going to write "had" in the previous line, "had the time." But Silva is right. It ain't 'had'; it's make. So, I'm going to use this blog as my touch chart--right out there for anyone to see. But mostly it is a commitment to myself. Practice what you preach, bro. Easy to dispense all this soothsaying wisdom when you find succor in doing email rather than facing ghosts. I know so well that when you visit ghosts every day they just wither and reveal their true selves as bodiless wisps. Only when you don't put the fanny in the chair on a daily basis do these ghosts take on such dastardly dimensions. It's all in the head Sam.

A word about the zinn work. And clarifying the goal. There is enough stuff for the book-- a book of my essays, but I don't want to work on this prospectus until I have this essay done, or near done. It doesn't have to be an opus. Just get down the ideas I have now.

Hello. I have set up this blog to facilitate conversation that spills out of class and continues in cyberspace.